Never Play with Tamps
by Twillyshoo
Summary: A friend of mine calls tampons 'tamps' and makes fun of them all the time so I thought I'd make fun of them. Yes, this story is kind of awkward because of the usage of the tampons, just cautioning you. But I think it's funny and so does my friends.


Never play with tampons

There should be a warning label on them for men.

The microwave beeped as Ron and Harry walked into the room.  
"Ron, what is it that you're doing?" asked Harry, trying to see what was in the microwave.

"Um, nothing. Nothing at all, Harry. Why do you ask?" Ron took whatever it was from the microwave and shoved it in his pocket then ran out of the kitchen at Hogwarts. Harry stood there, puzzled.

**...**

"Hey Hermione." Ron said with a huge smile on his face. "Do you have them?" he whispered in her ear.  
She nodded. "I have them. Do you want to go somewhere a little more secluded to take them?"  
"Yeah, good idea." Ron said, helping Hermione up from her seat in the dining hall. They walked out the the main entrance of the school and snuck behind a tree. Hermione took what Ron wanted out of her purse and handed it to him.  
"Here are four of them. They'll have to last you a couple days unless you can pay me now so I can get more."  
Ron dug through his pockets until he found his wallet. "Ah, here it is." Ron said to himself. He took out some money and handed it to Hermione who nodded once, then walked back towards the school.

**...**

Harry was walking towards Rons' room after all his classes were finished. He thought he'd drop by to do homework with Ron since they haven't really hung out in a couple of days.  
As he reached Rons' door, he realized it was locked. Ron never locks his door so Harry had no option but to knowck. He knocked a few times, then waited.  
"Who is it?" Ron called.

"It's me, Ron. I came to do homework."

"Oh, um. Give me a moment, will you?" Ron called. Harry heard Ron running around. He pressed his ear to the door out of curiosity to see if he could make out what Ron was doing. Suddenly, the door opened and Harry fell onto Ron. "Missed me a lot, did you?" Ron asked Harry, helping him stand back up.  
"You're awfully cheery today, Ron. What made you so happy? Did you finally get a girlfriend or something?" Harry laughed without meaning to, but really, Ron with a girlfriend? Yeah right.

"No, I um. I don't know, I just had a good day. Let's get started on that homework shall we?" Ron grabbed Harry's books and ran back into his room.  
Harry stood there, dumbfounded by Rons' gouche attitude. He really wanted to know why Ron has been acting so strange.

"Are you coming in, Harry?" Ron called from his bed infront of an open book, pencil in hand and a notebook opened, prepared to get started.  
Harry shook his head. "Yeah, I'm coming." He stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

**... **

Harry noticed Hermione sneaking out of the dining hall with Ron. "What the hell are they doing?" Harry asked himself. He thought about following them, but he figured they'd be back soon so he'd just ask.  
They never returned.

**...**

As Harry sat on his bed, his phone rang. He reached over to the stand and answered it. "Hello?" he said into the phone.  
"Hey, Harry." said the girl on the other line. "It's Jenny and man am I horny. You should meet me in the cafeteria in a few." She hung up.

Harry turned off his phone and threw it on his bed, running out the door and to the cafeteria. When he got there, Jenny was standing by the entrance.  
"I knew you'd come." she grinned.

"Why wouldn't I?" Harry grinned back. He walked towards her, yawning and stretching as he put his arm around her. He opened the door and said, "Ladies first." Jenny walked past him. He walked in after her.  
"What the fuck!?" Jenny screamed. "Ron! That is utterly disgusting!"  
Harry looked past Jenny and saw Ron standing by the counter near the microwave, masturbating using a tampon. He threw the tampon across the room.  
"Harry? What are you doing with Jenny? What the hell have you been doing with my sister you bastard!" Ron yelled, pulling his pants up like nothing happened.  
"Stop changing the subject." Harry demanded. "Why were you shoving a tampon up your ass?" Harry cringed, then thought for a moment and realized it wasn't too bad of an idea. But where would Ron get them?

"I...well...I can explain." Ron tried to say. The microwave beeped.  
"What's in there?" Harry asked. "Last time I saw you, you had something in the microwave, took it out and hid it from me. Is it the same thing as last time?"  
Jenny stomped over to the microwave and opened the door. "Huh?" she breathed as she pulled a tampon out of the microwave. "Ron...this is...so...gross!" she managed to say.

"Oh, god, Ron. Where in the hell did that come from and why was it in the microwave?" Harry stopped talking, realizing what Ron was doing. "You've been putting them in the microwave and then masturbating with them in your ass, haven't you?" Harry asked, completely shocked.

"Fine, you caught me. So what?" Ron said, frustrated. He began to yell, "But it wasn't my idea! It feels good. I can't help that Hermione told me about it then started delivering tampons to me at lunch hour!" Tears of embarassment and frustration ran down Rons' cheek.  
Jenny and Harry stood there with their mouths opened, not knowing what to say. They stood there, gaping for at least five minutes. Ron eventually left and went back to his room, but Harry and Jenny just stood there.  
Finally, Jenny broke the silence, "I'm still horny, yanno." She turned to Harry and said, "You still wanna?"

Harry nodded, picking Jenny up as they began to make out. He sat her on the stove, thinking it was the counter.  
"GOD DAMNIT! LET ME DOWN!" Jenny screamed. Harry let go, not knowing what was wrong. Jenny hopped off the stove and rubbed her butt. "It was still hot. I think my ass is burnt a little."

Harry covered his mouth to hide laughter.  
Jenny shook her head then walked back to Harry.


End file.
